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These days, I am open to being more vulnerable in my relationships with the intent of growing them (and myself) while being mindful of the present. And if things don’t work out, that’s okay. I know I will get through it. I’m so tired of robbing myself of being happy. Let’s risk it all to love and be happy today.

“Future love does not exist. Love is a present activity only. The man who does not manifest love in the present has not love.”

— Tolstoy

My greatest challenge will be learning to take things day by day. Life is good and it’s great to plan ahead, but anticipating these uncertainties is hindering my ability to find happiness right here, right now.

It’s Valentine’s Day. For whatever reason I always find myself reflecting about my current state of mind (online at least) on this day, partially because I’m a hopeless romantic. I’ll attribute my heavy self-reflection and repair this past year to a relationship that I thought was tumultuous. It wasn’t. Probably. I’m quite the overthinker.

The premise of this post is to outline my observations about what it means to love yourself in order to love beyond the self. I always talked about loving yourself before loving someone else because I never liked depending on people for anything. Maybe I’m doing relationships wrong—and you can DM me your unsolicited dating advice—but these are the tangible habits that I built in order to feel a bit more confident about myself. This helped me become more aware of my doubts and fears, as well as my opportunities for growth.

Do (more) things

Little progress is progress nonetheless. We have this thing at work called quick wins, which are smaller and easier projects/tasks that can be seen as building blocks toward a bigger goal. I like to write lists. Even if writing them out a million times is counterproductive, I still feel a little better about making it more tangible (and then when I do feel counterproductive, I start to actually cross things out. It’s a roundabout way of getting into the groove of things).

Most of all, do things that you love to do. Read, be around people you love. Take a bubble bath. Cry. Breathe. Do a dance class. Eat ice cream. Make connections. Be a tourist in your own city. Look back and move forward. 

Protect yourself

First: there’s nothing wrong with saying no, and there’s nothing wrong with walking away from a situation you’re negatively uncomfortable with.

Second: Shit happens. Growing up I had this realist-pessimistic mindset and there are things you just don’t get when you’re 18 or 21. The more shit you go through, the more you realize that you’re still here and things aren’t as bad as it was. So I guess you can call me a hopeful or something. 

Third: There is power in speaking things to existence, so why not speak more good into existence? Surround yourself with people who are genuine and optimistic; it could shift things to a more aspirational mindset, which isn’t so bad when you want things to happen for yourself. If you ever feel that you’re under attack and feel anxious, don’t put yourself in those situations. You have the power to control your actions and, whether there are people who judge you for walking away, who cares. You have your reality, and they have theirs. 

Fourth: Water, veggies, sleep.

Radiate

If you can genuinely be at peace with who you are, I think that you can be at peace with the external things that you cannot control. It’s a very stoic way of going about things, but that’s what puts me at ease in moments of anxiety.

If you can’t control it, don’t worry about it. If you can control it, don’t worry about it.

These three things have kept me grounded for a year, and I can genuinely say that I’m in a better place with myself. I don’t really have a good way of concluding this post, so I’ll just say that I’m really proud to have made this progress. I’ve been saying yes to more things and the opportunities are endless for me. I am okay.